can bob the builder fix my crumbling life
No he can’t
i’m frequently visited by three spirits at night
- the ghost of i fucked up
- the ghost of i’m currently fucking up
- and the ghost of i’m probably going to fuck up in the future
what type of rock is a really good friend
rocks will be your only friends if you ever use this joke
Researches have found that cats can recognize their owner’s voice yet haven’t found out why cats don’t care what their owner’s have to say.
i didnt lose my virginity, i know exactly who has it
friends are constantly coming to me for advice about their relationships and love lives and i’m just
Holy shit she’s back. I was convinced I would marry her when I was 13.
If a dead ancestor doesn’t appear in the sky to stop me, it can’t be that bad of a decision
tbh I don’t see the fuss about having waiters/waitresses not being happy and enthusiastic like I came here to eat I didn’t come here to be amused by employees as long as I’m getting my food and they’re not being blatantly rude I don’t see why y’all need to go on yelp to rank a restaurant 0/5 and have an outburst on why your waitress didn’t smile at you when she poured you water
this is pretty fucking important
Sometimes i am Bob, sometimes i am Linda.
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