i followed my heart and it led me into the fridge
"no homo" I whisper as I look at my garden of pea plants. The progeny had expressed a 1:2:1 ratio of phenotypes. I am Gregor Mendel.
This joke is lethal
date someone who you’re comfortable eating a burrito in front of
this is never going to not be funny
*drinks vodka* *gags* “ugh I hate vodka” *drinks vodka*
so APPARENTLY the turn it off and on again method doesnt work for life support machines
I hate it when you get too fucked up from drinking and then you can’t drink certain drinks anymore because it tastes like that time you almost died.
drinking underage like
Hilary Duff - Chasing the Sun Official Music Video
can bob the builder fix my crumbling life
No he can’t
i’m frequently visited by three spirits at night
- the ghost of i fucked up
- the ghost of i’m currently fucking up
- and the ghost of i’m probably going to fuck up in the future
what type of rock is a really good friend
rocks will be your only friends if you ever use this joke
Researches have found that cats can recognize their owner’s voice yet haven’t found out why cats don’t care what their owner’s have to say.
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